When I was in high school, I took a photography class, and rather than use a digital camera, a family member let me use his 35mm camera. I don’t remember what I was supposed to learn in that class, but I can remember that feeling—knowing that this person was trusting me with the same camera that had captured countless photos of our family gatherings. The same camera that created film that was lovingly hand-developed and hung up to dry by that same family member. So, when I held that camera in my hands, it wasn’t just something to take pictures with—it was something used to capture happiness. That shutter only clicked when I was certain that was the picture I wanted; I’d framed it out in the optical, changed the focus and shutter speed until I knew the focus to blur ratio was exactly how I’d want it, and then I had one click to get it right. One. This wasn’t a digital camera. Every click was an investment. I had trust to lose, the shot to lose, money to lose… everything to lose, but that one shot—if I got it just right… I had that one moment to gain. Forever.
As a Mompreneur, I balance a lot. Still, I’m no different than anyone else. I still have worries and desires and dreams and only twenty-four hours in a day. The last time I blogged, I was in the middle of getting my life together—getting my focus right, for just that right click. My forever shot. You know what? I did. I got that perfect shot. I found my balance that allows for the best focus for me. Does that mean I’m going to put the camera down now and just sit back and continue the same settings, though? No. Just like I would walk to a new location and focus in on a new picture, I’m the same way. Each day offers a new opportunity to set the camera up for a new, potentially perfect shot. Each day I think about everything I have to lose and how much I want to live up to the trust of others, satisfy the perfectionist in my soul, and not lose focus of the big picture. Every day, I get better. Closer.
I Found My Purpose
I’ve always had a priority list in my life, as I’m sure you do. My top three priorities are My Father, my child, and then my authors. I even have a checklist, so that I make sure I don’t let stress and pressure tear me from that focus that I know to be perfect. I get up at 4 a.m. to make sure that there are no excuses. What comes first, literally comes first each day.
My purpose is to be a child and a mother. My purpose is to follow first, guide second. That transfers over to every area of my life now, and I’m happy and content for it. I still have stress and I still feel like I could use about five more hours to each day, but with the new focus, each day clicks. Each submission is a click. Each homeschool day is a click. Each Bible study is a click. Each run is a click.
You are My Purpose
I know it’s easy to feel like you’ve been forgotten in the wait. Forgotten between email, tweets, and photos of whatever struck my fancy as a worth posting on Facebook for a giggle. You haven’t been forgotten, though. You are like that camera. Each of your manuscripts aren’t just words or a story, they’re a tangible trust you have in me to do my job.
Trust me to take my time and get just the right focus before I press click on that send button. Trust me when I say I’m trying to find an editor who won’t only appreciate your manuscript, but who I think you’ll work well with, one you’ll enjoy your publication journey with. I hurt when you hurt, I fret when you fret, I hate me when you hate me, I get disappointed in me, I feel unworthy of you—if I ever feel like I’m the superstar and not you, then I’ve turned upside down. It’s not me I’m bringing to publishers—it’s you. You are my purpose.
It may feel irritating that you are not at the top of my purpose list, but you are more than just a priority to me, more than just a work “to-do” and run for the numbers. You handed me that camera and I know how much went into it. If I’m silent while I’m looking through the lens, it doesn’t mean I’m not looking. The wait might be agonizing, but all it takes is that one click. Just one right shot, and it will be your forever click.
I haven’t forgotten you. I haven’t forgotten my purpose.